Hi! It's me again. Tonight, I fell dead asleep at 8:15pm...woke up at 11pm and am trying to figure out what to do with myself at 2:53am. I've watched most of Grease 2 (a deliciously horrible movie), watched the end of Big Business (a deliciously unrealistic piece of comedic genius), and am now watching The Cutting Edge (a deliciously good bargain of $5.50 at Target). I ate an apple and then made myself sick on cheddar goldfish crackers.
I've heard people come home from their Saturday night on the town...I hear people taking showers, people taking out their empty glass bottles. Shawn and I had a lovely evening last night. We went to an all-female comedy show and then had a late Italian dinner in Greenwich Village. The restaurant owner was so sweet to us and treated us to a round of drinks and dessert. I love eating late and the restaurants here stay open way past 10pm. It's nice. The only thing you could get to eat late in San Antonio was Whataburger.
I completed my profile on Facebook tonight...don't know if I'll actually use it. I found a lot of my AMDA group there, so we'll see if anyone feels like socializing that way. It's actually a nice, removed way of keeping up with people that suits my personality.
School's been good so far. I'm still waiting to present my first musical theatre song. It's a fun character song...since that seems to be my new thing now. I've done a couple of presentations in acting that have gone pretty well.
I'm very sure that I could not have gotten this kind of conservatory training in Texas and I am so grateful to be at the school. I wish I had a more meaningful connection with the rest of my group, but it's ok. We're just in different places personally. I'm kind of lonely for a true friend here (besides Shawn), but I'm sure I'll get what I need somehow. The main priority is my training, so I'll just stick to that and have faith that everything else will fall into place.
...
I think I'll have some cookies... cheers!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
If I could do it all over again...
Hey everybody! Well, my New York life has officially started! I have completed Orientation and am in my first week of classes at AMDA. I have been through such a range of emotions that I am not quite sure which end is up right now. What I thought was my worst nightmare has come true...I am the oldest person in the incoming class. And the next oldest is six years younger than me. I've tried to figure out why exactly that is so devastating to me and I think it's more than just having to be around young, "creative" personalities that are away from home for the first time. I think I can handle that. I think I'm actually more worried that, with no true peer group, I'll have to face all my insecurities and vulnerabilities in a judgmental environment with no real support system.
I'm almost done with my first week and I've been to nearly all my classes at least once. We work in cohorts for most of the classes, so it's kind of comforting to have some consistency with the students. I really hope that will help me develop more relationships and start to trust myself more. We'll see.
Disaster struck in Musical Theatre class yesterday. We've been each performing some songs in our repertoire for the group so the teacher can see what kind of work we've been doing in the past. I had to go second to last so I had plenty of time to get good and nervous. I tried going through all my mental preparation to be able to get up there and sing the music I've sung a million times. I was finally called and I felt pretty normal. I went to sing my first song...and it turned out my body had been planning a secret mutiny on me. Throat dry as sand, only one lung decided to work...yeah. I sang like a 7th grader. How embarrassing is that? The oldest person in the group, the one with a classical music degree, for heaven's sake! Here I've been dreading being typecast as only a "pretty voice" who can't do character songs...and then this happens.
When the song finally ended, mercifully, I just stood there like an idiot wondering what just happened. I fought back all the mean things I wanted to say to myself and just placed myself at the teacher's mercy. She asked to hear another song, the one character song that I've learned. I am normally scared to death of it because it is so out of my normal repertoire, but I figured I couldn't possibly screw up more than I just had. Why not vomit all over my "upbeat" piece as well?
The accompanist started and I just jumped right in. It was amazing...apparently the coup staged by my body was short-lived, as most coups are, and I started singing like a crazy woman...in a good way. The class kind of gasped and nodded as if to say, "Oh, ok, here's what the kind of music she REALLY sings." They laughed at the funny parts and I got more animated and it got to be more fun and I didn't want the song to end! Ever! But it did, and I went back to my seat and, for the millionth time since I started doing musical theatre, pondered therapy.
I'm relieved I finished strong and I'm trying to hang on to that feeling, but I'm still so disappointed that I screwed up the one thing I can actually do well. I wished there had been time to redo that first song. I probably would've done a better job after getting the nerves out a little bit. The real bummer is I had wanted to go out on the first try and really show something promising like the rest of the class did, but it looks like I'm gonna be a dark horse, like always. That's not totally bad, since the dark horse usually ends up surprising everybody, but it would be nice...just once, when it really counts...to just be able to nail something the first time around.
One good thing about being the oldest in the group is that I've lived this stuff before. Since I was eleven years old, I've competed on stage and off. I've played sports (which holds way more meaning than those happy little words seem to say) and I've put myself out there on a limb more times than some people do in their entire lives. As much as I hate the rollercoaster, I know what this feels like. Here I am, in school (AGAIN!) and I am in that very enviable situation of "If I could do it all over again..." and I can actually make the most of it. Not that I know everything, but I've got a few battlescars and badges of honor that will hopefully help me get through this with a little less damage than I've suffered in the past.
I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm way up here in NYC, doing my best, getting my butt whipped, and getting back up again...just like always. It's gonna be fine....now I just have to tell my body that.
I'm almost done with my first week and I've been to nearly all my classes at least once. We work in cohorts for most of the classes, so it's kind of comforting to have some consistency with the students. I really hope that will help me develop more relationships and start to trust myself more. We'll see.
Disaster struck in Musical Theatre class yesterday. We've been each performing some songs in our repertoire for the group so the teacher can see what kind of work we've been doing in the past. I had to go second to last so I had plenty of time to get good and nervous. I tried going through all my mental preparation to be able to get up there and sing the music I've sung a million times. I was finally called and I felt pretty normal. I went to sing my first song...and it turned out my body had been planning a secret mutiny on me. Throat dry as sand, only one lung decided to work...yeah. I sang like a 7th grader. How embarrassing is that? The oldest person in the group, the one with a classical music degree, for heaven's sake! Here I've been dreading being typecast as only a "pretty voice" who can't do character songs...and then this happens.
When the song finally ended, mercifully, I just stood there like an idiot wondering what just happened. I fought back all the mean things I wanted to say to myself and just placed myself at the teacher's mercy. She asked to hear another song, the one character song that I've learned. I am normally scared to death of it because it is so out of my normal repertoire, but I figured I couldn't possibly screw up more than I just had. Why not vomit all over my "upbeat" piece as well?
The accompanist started and I just jumped right in. It was amazing...apparently the coup staged by my body was short-lived, as most coups are, and I started singing like a crazy woman...in a good way. The class kind of gasped and nodded as if to say, "Oh, ok, here's what the kind of music she REALLY sings." They laughed at the funny parts and I got more animated and it got to be more fun and I didn't want the song to end! Ever! But it did, and I went back to my seat and, for the millionth time since I started doing musical theatre, pondered therapy.
I'm relieved I finished strong and I'm trying to hang on to that feeling, but I'm still so disappointed that I screwed up the one thing I can actually do well. I wished there had been time to redo that first song. I probably would've done a better job after getting the nerves out a little bit. The real bummer is I had wanted to go out on the first try and really show something promising like the rest of the class did, but it looks like I'm gonna be a dark horse, like always. That's not totally bad, since the dark horse usually ends up surprising everybody, but it would be nice...just once, when it really counts...to just be able to nail something the first time around.
One good thing about being the oldest in the group is that I've lived this stuff before. Since I was eleven years old, I've competed on stage and off. I've played sports (which holds way more meaning than those happy little words seem to say) and I've put myself out there on a limb more times than some people do in their entire lives. As much as I hate the rollercoaster, I know what this feels like. Here I am, in school (AGAIN!) and I am in that very enviable situation of "If I could do it all over again..." and I can actually make the most of it. Not that I know everything, but I've got a few battlescars and badges of honor that will hopefully help me get through this with a little less damage than I've suffered in the past.
I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm way up here in NYC, doing my best, getting my butt whipped, and getting back up again...just like always. It's gonna be fine....now I just have to tell my body that.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
It's Harder at Night.
Hello everyone!
My newest New York addiction is playing computer solitaire while watching The Office on Netflix. Netflix is now offering unlimited Watch Now hours if you have an unlimited plan, which we do. So, I am now watching The Office because I never caught it on regular TV and now it is thousands of times more awesome than anything because there are no commercials and I can just watch them all back to back. The Office is hilarious because there are so many personalities on that show that I have actually worked with. I'm not sure which one I am yet. Maybe I don't want to know.
OK, so my title...It's Harder at Night... (Insert Michael Scott saying, "That's what she said." Love it.)
Solitaire is really hard for me at night. Of course it's easy to miss solitaire moves when I'm laughing at The Office in the corner of my screen, but it's also hard for me to play in general at night. I guess my mind is tired. Apparently not tired enough to just go to sleep, but definitely tired enough to miss some game altering moves. Hopefully I will get better at playing at night if I practice...and maybe, when the need arises for me to think late at night, in real life, I will be solitaire trained and ready. My brain will be ready to recognize connections and relationships and colors in a snap. Or should I say "in a synapse"...
Although my gaming-at-night skills are still in development, my humor-at-night skills are in peak form.
My newest New York addiction is playing computer solitaire while watching The Office on Netflix. Netflix is now offering unlimited Watch Now hours if you have an unlimited plan, which we do. So, I am now watching The Office because I never caught it on regular TV and now it is thousands of times more awesome than anything because there are no commercials and I can just watch them all back to back. The Office is hilarious because there are so many personalities on that show that I have actually worked with. I'm not sure which one I am yet. Maybe I don't want to know.
OK, so my title...It's Harder at Night... (Insert Michael Scott saying, "That's what she said." Love it.)
Solitaire is really hard for me at night. Of course it's easy to miss solitaire moves when I'm laughing at The Office in the corner of my screen, but it's also hard for me to play in general at night. I guess my mind is tired. Apparently not tired enough to just go to sleep, but definitely tired enough to miss some game altering moves. Hopefully I will get better at playing at night if I practice...and maybe, when the need arises for me to think late at night, in real life, I will be solitaire trained and ready. My brain will be ready to recognize connections and relationships and colors in a snap. Or should I say "in a synapse"...
Although my gaming-at-night skills are still in development, my humor-at-night skills are in peak form.
NYC Interview
Happy New Year!!!
I just finished the preview of my first show in New York! Hooray! I am doing The Ted Haggard Monologues. I am not actually doing a monologue, but I'm in the chorus. It's been a great warm-up to New York theatre. It's a very small company, so it's been nice to meet some people and get back in front of an audience. For the millionth time, I am so grateful to have Shawn here supporting me and cheering for me and telling me everyday how much pride she has in me. Seeing her there in the audience, wearing my little gray winter hat to hide "end of the day" hair, reminded me of home in a new place. We made this "interview" video on our way home in the subway station. Check it out!
I just finished the preview of my first show in New York! Hooray! I am doing The Ted Haggard Monologues. I am not actually doing a monologue, but I'm in the chorus. It's been a great warm-up to New York theatre. It's a very small company, so it's been nice to meet some people and get back in front of an audience. For the millionth time, I am so grateful to have Shawn here supporting me and cheering for me and telling me everyday how much pride she has in me. Seeing her there in the audience, wearing my little gray winter hat to hide "end of the day" hair, reminded me of home in a new place. We made this "interview" video on our way home in the subway station. Check it out!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Alligators and/or Lava!!!
Did you ever play that game where you can only walk on (or jump between) specifically colored tiles on the floor? Were your parents ever annoyed because you had to take the long way around to make sure you didn't fall in the invisible lava?
I am eight years older than my sister, placing me in perfect big sis=free babysitter position. Sometimes when we were bored at the house, we decided that all the carpet in the den was really lava and we couldn't step on it. We immediately jumped onto a couch and then strategically tossed the accent pillows around the room between the couches so that we could move around the room without being melted by Carpetlava. Oh, the pillows were lava retardant, somehow. Once everything was in place, we then entertained ourselves by jumping from couch to couch to chair to footstool to pillow to pillow to pillow in a big circuit, laughing all the way. We climbed and jumped all over the furniture we weren't "allowed to play on." It was awesome!
It's funny, we weren't allowed to play on the furniture like that because it would wear out the upholstery or hurt the springs or whatever, but we actually had that furniture for most of my at-home life. Imagine if we HADN'T played Carpetlava...that 70s furniture would probably STILL be at the house.
When the parents came home, Carpetlava became plain old carpet again. Boring. Sometimes, we also pretended that the tile in the kitchen was really a swamp filled with alligators. We have this black iron railing delineating the kitchen from the den. The slits in the railing are plenty big enough to place your feet in, so once Alligators were declared, we jumped into the slits of the railing and navigated our way around the kitchen as carefully as possible. We were often told that we shouldn't hang on the railing or play on it because someone could get hurt or because it would loosen the railing from the floor and strip it. But, in my at-home life, no one I knew ever got hurt on the railing (other than one of the neighbors briefly getting his giant kid-head stuck between the bars. He was fine, just scared. It was sooo hard not to laugh at him crying with his head stuck in the railing.) and my dad only tightened the rail once or twice.
Without fail, Mom would call us for dinner while we were clearly maneuvering just out of the Alligators' reach. Then came the challenging task of reaching over the railing to pull a chair away from the table and then swinging over the railing to get into that chair. More planning was involved to get us both into our chairs the same way. Our efforts and sisterly teamwork in these dire situations were rarely, if ever, lauded or appreciated. In our parents' eyes, we were just rushing our kitchen furniture into disrepair...the same kitchen furniture that's still there, in fact.
When I'm a parent and my kids want to (no, must) walk some funky way or path to avoid something I can't see, I'm gonna try to be as patient as I can and remember that A) Furniture is really strong, B)Siblings should work together, C)Avoiding Alligators and/or Lava is extremely important in the development of problem solving skills, and D) Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Watch out where you walk, you don't want your feet bitten off by an Alligator or melted by Carpetlava.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Sweeney Snob
Have you heard about the Sweeney Todd movie that's coming out? I've had several thoughts I would like to share about the recent movie musicals.
The commercial for Sweeney Todd has a small little musical clip in the background. No biggie except that it features a happy, normal chord resolution in a happy, normal major key. I was surprised because that little clip is probably the least appropriate sample of the music in the show which is mostly dark and cynical and weird. Also, the full title is Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, but the commercial only calls it Sweeney Todd and only flashes the full title screen for a moment before encouraging everyone to make it their holiday movie.
Miscues all the way! I really hope people know somehow what they're getting into when they take Grandma and the kiddies to see a musical slasher movie. Sure, it's one of the best slasher musicals EVER, but it certainly hasn't been marketed with the most truthful angle...at least in my opinion.
I was also thinking of how much I've appreciated the IDEA of musicals being brought to the big screen again. I'm such a huge fan of old musicals on cable and dvd. I'd like the rest of the world to not think musicals are stupid or to get embarrassed when the characters break out into song. But then, I've been so disappointed by the recent movie musicals. They tend to cast pretty people who can't sing. There are THOUSANDS of pretty people who actually CAN sing that should be in the movie. They just aren't famous in the mainstream. But they should be.
For example:
Moulin Rouge (OK, pretty much everyone in that because it stunk, but are you kidding me? Nicole Kidman)
Phantom of the Opera (Yikes, Emmy Rossum and Gerard Butler. Both are gorgeous and can't sing for poop.)
Rent (Ay, poor Rosario Dawson. They were able to reunite almost the entire kick ass original Broadway cast and they couldn't find a real heroin-chic rock star?)
I'll give props to Chicago...although I still haven't convinced myself that Renee Zellweger is anything but a pair of weird lips on a single sheet of sheer typing paper, but then again she was cast in the "guest star" role of Roxy (meaning Broadway lets all the Hollywood folks that can hold a tune do that role on the big stage).
Hairspray...eh. It didn't kill me to see it, but there are only two memorable songs in that whole show anyway and they're at the very beginning and the very end, so you have to cheerlead yourself through the middle. (Nikki Blonski was very cute and had a nice voice. I didn't mind her at all, but John Travolta was just not right. Why couldn't they put a giant drag queen in that role like God intended?)
I guess that's it for "recent" movie musicals. While I appreciate more people getting acquainted and reintroduced to this genre, in a way, I'm also kind of a snob about it. I can see doing Chicago & Hairspray...they have mainstream music and snappy costumes, but Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd? The average joe needs something of a Sondheim warm up first. Try some Into the Woods or even Company before you give 'em the Sweeney. As much as I want to show the world the wonderful world of musical theatre, it doesn't come for free. You have to log in the hours, especially to appreciate the genius of Sondheim's crazy-awesome lyrics and twisty-winding melodies.
Johnny Depp totally excels as Tim Burton's b*tch, but I sure hope he can wail. And Helena Bonham Carter looks creepy-good as a grown woman in pigtails, but I'll take Angela Lansbury or Patti LuPone any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Ah well. Let us attend the tale...
The commercial for Sweeney Todd has a small little musical clip in the background. No biggie except that it features a happy, normal chord resolution in a happy, normal major key. I was surprised because that little clip is probably the least appropriate sample of the music in the show which is mostly dark and cynical and weird. Also, the full title is Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, but the commercial only calls it Sweeney Todd and only flashes the full title screen for a moment before encouraging everyone to make it their holiday movie.
Miscues all the way! I really hope people know somehow what they're getting into when they take Grandma and the kiddies to see a musical slasher movie. Sure, it's one of the best slasher musicals EVER, but it certainly hasn't been marketed with the most truthful angle...at least in my opinion.
I was also thinking of how much I've appreciated the IDEA of musicals being brought to the big screen again. I'm such a huge fan of old musicals on cable and dvd. I'd like the rest of the world to not think musicals are stupid or to get embarrassed when the characters break out into song. But then, I've been so disappointed by the recent movie musicals. They tend to cast pretty people who can't sing. There are THOUSANDS of pretty people who actually CAN sing that should be in the movie. They just aren't famous in the mainstream. But they should be.
For example:
Moulin Rouge (OK, pretty much everyone in that because it stunk, but are you kidding me? Nicole Kidman)
Phantom of the Opera (Yikes, Emmy Rossum and Gerard Butler. Both are gorgeous and can't sing for poop.)
Rent (Ay, poor Rosario Dawson. They were able to reunite almost the entire kick ass original Broadway cast and they couldn't find a real heroin-chic rock star?)
I'll give props to Chicago...although I still haven't convinced myself that Renee Zellweger is anything but a pair of weird lips on a single sheet of sheer typing paper, but then again she was cast in the "guest star" role of Roxy (meaning Broadway lets all the Hollywood folks that can hold a tune do that role on the big stage).
Hairspray...eh. It didn't kill me to see it, but there are only two memorable songs in that whole show anyway and they're at the very beginning and the very end, so you have to cheerlead yourself through the middle. (Nikki Blonski was very cute and had a nice voice. I didn't mind her at all, but John Travolta was just not right. Why couldn't they put a giant drag queen in that role like God intended?)
I guess that's it for "recent" movie musicals. While I appreciate more people getting acquainted and reintroduced to this genre, in a way, I'm also kind of a snob about it. I can see doing Chicago & Hairspray...they have mainstream music and snappy costumes, but Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd? The average joe needs something of a Sondheim warm up first. Try some Into the Woods or even Company before you give 'em the Sweeney. As much as I want to show the world the wonderful world of musical theatre, it doesn't come for free. You have to log in the hours, especially to appreciate the genius of Sondheim's crazy-awesome lyrics and twisty-winding melodies.
Johnny Depp totally excels as Tim Burton's b*tch, but I sure hope he can wail. And Helena Bonham Carter looks creepy-good as a grown woman in pigtails, but I'll take Angela Lansbury or Patti LuPone any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Ah well. Let us attend the tale...
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